WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!

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Your Amnesia Returns Tomorrow

Posted by Caroline Thompson on January 4, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: poem, poetry, writing. Leave a Comment

Your Amnesia Returns Tomorrow

 

A light bulb broken in a napkin,

its shards scattered before my door,

crunches under phantom footsteps.

 

I imagine you arriving incognito,

skulking in, red flags waving,

me making cups of chamomile tea.

 

Mulch looks like dark chocolate

so I bit a corner, spitting out

woodsy splinters, yours lodged in me.

 

You call me in your Ambien stupor,

mumbling about intended visits.

I tell secrets to your sleep then wait.

 

Your memory flattens like plastic bottles

my tires crack on fourth street.

You’re the brittle palm husk I miss.

 

crt 2012

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  • Ibrahim Asghar

Today The Mailman Brought Me Treasure

Posted by Caroline Thompson on January 3, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: art, artwork, author, booty, cat, cats, poem, poet, poetry, Sam Pink, treasure, writer, writing. 2 comments

CLICK HERE TO CHECK OUT SAM PINK’S BLOG!

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  • Rob Slaven
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Gold Stars For Everyone!

Posted by Caroline Thompson on January 2, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: cat, cats, children, humor, New Year, resolutions. 5 comments

I’m sitting here on my couch in a bra and sweatpants like a total slob.  All I need is my hand wedged in my pants like Al Bundy to complete the look.

I’m decompressing after having done what seemed like two months worth of laundry, going to Staples and buying a cute little filing box (and actually filing all my heaps of papers in it), and removing monstrous amounts of cat hair from underneath furniture on my hands-and-knees with a miniature dustpan (I do not own cleaning “equipment” so this is the same little dustpan I use to sweep up the litter trail Romeow leaves from his litterbox).

And I did this all without any stimulants!  Gold stars!  Now I get to spend some time with you lovelies — gold stars for everyone!

Clearly I’m out of the gate way too fast in 2012.  At this pace, I’ll burn out by the end of the week.  But right now I feel motivated.  Tomorrow I may even start smoking again!  But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

These “accomplishments” have nothing to do with new year’s resolutions, by the way.  Here’s some unsolicited advice: don’t make resolutions.  Chances are you won’t keep them and then you’ll feel like a loser.  Also, there’ll be that one person who does keep his/hers and he/she will keep saying how well it’s going and you’ll feel like an even bigger loser.  Or maybe that will be you and then everyone will hate you.

You’re welcome.

p.s. I don’t like children by this one seems alright:

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Merry New Year!

Posted by Caroline Thompson on January 1, 2012
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Cereal With A Fork, comedy, comics, Eddie Murphy, humor, New Year. 2 comments

I recently stumbled upon a fellow wordpresser’s blog entitled “Cereal With A Fork” which has some gosh darn funny comics.  True story.  But see for yourself, it’s worth checking out.  For some reason I laughed the hardest at this one:

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When Romeow Met Marcel

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 31, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: cat, cats, comedy, dog, dogs, humor, Marcel, Romeow. Leave a Comment

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“Childproof” (my scribbles)

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 31, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: writing. 2 comments

There is no date or time as you know it in a psych ward.  Today could be yesterday if they forget to change the date on the dry erase board.  Today could be tomorrow if the meal menu is misprinted.  Some clocks are ten minutes fast.  Others are five minutes slow.  Others slide down the wall if your meds are good.  Ward attendants check on you every fifteen minutes.  That is one way to keep track of time, if you even care.  I’m still not sure what day my dog was put down, but I’m not supposed to talk about that.  Phone hours are important.  Time for the outside world.  My discharge date was important, so I counted down the days until I was supposed to leave, but they always lied to me.

Numbers are important in psych wards.  Meds have to be counted, patients wear numbered identification bracelets, rooms are numbered, beds are numbered.  My blood alcohol content was .38 when I was hospitalized this time.  How do you measure a family’s pain in decimal points?  Patients fill out mood-monitoring sheets every morning, circling the number of the level of their depression on a scale of one to ten.  Physical pain is measured the same way.  Weights are taken on scales, each patient stands barefoot, double-wrapped in hospital johnnies.  Vitals are recorded at 6:30 each morning.  Twice more throughout the day.

Sharp objects are confiscated when you are admitted.  Assuming you have the luxury of packing a bag.  Tweezers, razors, even pencils.  Supposedly a girl shoved a pencil under the skin of her forearm all the way up to her elbow a few weeks before I got there.  Or so I was told.  Stories are passed down and embellished.  Shoelaces are confiscated and rubberbands are provided to hold the tongues of running shoes in place.  People come up with all sorts of ways to hang themselves.  My roommate hacked up her wrists pretty badly while I was there, I’m not sure how she got the razor blades, but it can’t be that hard to sew some into your clothes.  Cutters are sneaky, I went through that phase…

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I’m a geek. I swear.

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 30, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: poet, writing. 4 comments

I’m applying to grad school (just one), and this is yet another reminder that a decade has passed since I’ve graduated from college and I have nothing to show for it.  I certainly haven’t done any community service (voluntarily), which apparently these people seem to think is this wonnnnnderful thing.  I haven’t been published.  As a matter of fact, I have no experience in creative writing prior to this year.

Maybe I should send a video along with the application so they can see just how “charming” and “charismatic” I am.  That ought to compensate for all the shit I haven’t done.  Perhaps this picture might help too.  ”LOOK, LOOK AT ME!  I’M A BIG DOUCHE STUCK IN MY GLORY DAYS!”

Wait no, I don’t want them to think I’m a jock.  It would suck if I mentioned this in my application and it triggered some repressed trauma in one of the committee members of being bullied, excluded, not being picked, etc.  Plus, I have to be taken seriously as a poet.  Jocks at Yale weren’t taken seriously because most non-jocks thought we got in because we played sports, not because we were smart.

Or maybe that’s just my insecurity typing.

Either way, must…never…own…up…to…being…jock…

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a new frontier

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 29, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: comedy, dream, humor, movie, movies. Leave a Comment

You thought this day would never come, but it’s finally here, I’ve made my debut as a movie star/screenwriter/director/producer/cinematographer.  Please take a moment to watch my latest project, entitled “The Way Others See Me:”

And the remix of the above, entitled “The Carlton vs. The Way Others See Me:”

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Oh goody, here comes 2012!

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 29, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: apocalypse, writing. Leave a Comment

You all know what that means…apocalyyyyypse!

Or does it?

Let’s ask the magic 8-ball…

…

…

Well, looks like it and I are privy to information that is best not to be shared with you at this time.

On an unrelated note, here’s a link to the year’s best humor writing.  I haven’t read any of these, so don’t come crying to me if they suck.

Split Sider Year’s Best Humor Writing

My only resolution for the New Year is to start smoking again.

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The Way of the World

Posted by Caroline Thompson on December 27, 2011
Posted in: Uncategorized. Tagged: Kim Addonizio, poem, poetry. 3 comments

The Way of the World

     By Kim Addonizo, from What Is This Thing Called Love?

 

We know the ugly hate the beautiful,

and the bitter losers are all seething

over bad coffee, washed in the sleazy flourescence

of fast-food restaurants.  We know

 

the wheelchairs hate the shoes,

and the medicines envy the vitamins,

which is why sometimes a whole bottle

of sleeping pills will gather like a wave

 

and rush down someone’s throat to drown

in the sour ocean of the stomach.

And let’s not even mention the poor,

since hardly anyone does.

 

It’s the way of the world—

the sorrowful versus the happy,

and the stupid against everyone,

especially themselves.  So don’t pretend

 

you’re glad when your old friends

get lucky in work, or love,

while you’re still drifting through life

like a lobster in a restaurant tank.  Go on

 

admit it: you’d claw them to death

if you could.  But you’re helpless,

knocking futilely again clear glass you can’t

break through.  They’re opening champagne

 

oblivious of you, just as you don’t notice

how many backs you’ve scrambled over

to get this far, you black eyes glittering,

your slow limbs grimly and steadily working.

 

http://www.kimaddonizio.com/

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